Street Lights
by NorthernTrash-x
Summary: Soubi/Ritsuka. Soubi will go to any lengths to make Ritsuka talk to him.


Written about a year ago, when the tree outside my room was cut down. It blacked out a lot of the light from outside during the night, and all of a sudden my room was flooded nightly with orange light.

Ritsuka x Soubi

**Street Lights**

_No-one can take it away from me,_  
_And no-one can tear it apart._  
_Because a heart that hurts, _  
_Is a heart that works._  
- Placebo

Ritsuka liked the café he was sitting in. It was dimly lit with low lying sofas and coffee tables, with large cushions thrown around and modern art pieces on the wall. It had a tall ceiling and long bar and a smoky smell that Ritsuka actually liked, in a strange way.

He lay back against the cushions of his favourite sofa with a sigh. It was the sofa in the furthest corner of the room from the door, where he could see the whole room from the shaded alcove it was tucked into. It had circular brown leather cushions and was covered in faded grey fabric, worn soft with time. He had his feet up on the table in front of him and a cup of coffee in his hands, the stream wreathing his face as he stared across the room, watching a couple leave, hand in hand. He lifted his own hand to his head and tugged at one of his ears, rubbing the fur with the tips of his fingers, a sigh threatening to escape from him.

It really _might_ be time to get rid of the ears.

The sigh fell out unintentionally and his hand fell back down to his coffee cup. He was turning seventeen in three weeks and the whole concept had started to get him down, to the extent that he had started avoiding his friends over the last few days to give himself some space. He really needed to think, and the distraction of the people close to him, with one in particular, really ruined his thought process.

And speaking of things interrupting him…

There was a shrill ringing coming from somewhere close by that he couldn't quite place. It was irritating and distractible, and he glared at the few other customers who, apparently, could not hear it at all. One caught his eye and smiled, and Ritsuka looked away quickly, not in the mood to conduct social interaction over coffee.

The phone was still ringing, and he realised that it was actually coming from somewhere near him. He listened, harder, to the muffled sound, before running his hands down the sides of the sofa between the cushions until he found a cool, solid object against his fingers. He pulled it out just as the ringing stopped, and he stared blankly at the screen, flashing with its 'one missed call' message. It was new and expensive looking, and unmistakably a mobile phone, and all too much hassle for him to deal with.

He placed it on the table in front of him with a sigh, watching it as he picked up his mug again. The screen remained unchanging, no one called back. The backlight clicked off and the screen turned to grey, and Ritsuka stood up, leaving the dregs of his drink behind as he stretched, picked up the phone and walked to the bar counter. The waiter looked up as he approached and smiled.

"Can I help?"

"Yeah. I found a phone on my seat, I figured I'd hand it in here in case the owner came back for it."

He placed the phone on the counter and turned to leave, offering the waiter as small smile as he presumed it over. Instead, he was stopped in his leave by the replying voice.

"Ah, I'm sorry. We can't accept valuables to hold, it's against the company policy. I'm sorry, but we can put up a notice or you could hand it into the police station."

Ritsuka rolled his eyes in distain. This was just his luck. He took the phone back with a sigh, an annoyed roll of the eyes and a nod, and, turning on his heel, he strode out of the warmth into the cold afternoon air without looking back. The pavement felt harder underneath his feet as he strode towards his next destination, but he reasoned that that was probably because he was stomping angrily as if the concrete had personally offended him.

The phone rang in his pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hi! Who is this?"

"I found this phone in a café I was at. Who does it belong to?"

"Oh, thank god! It is mine, I was panicking about where I had left it. This is a relief. Could you meet me somewhere so I can collect it? Would that be okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I suppose."

"Thank you so much. And I'm so sorry about this."

Ritsuka internally groaned as the caller listed off a meeting place. So now he was being roped into this, as well? Surely the man should just come and pick up his damn phone? He was going to have to leave early to get there as well, as it was a way across town. He doubted that Yuiko would particularly mind, as she was going to meet Yayoi afterwards anyway, but it was a pain, and rude, for that matter. He rubbed his forehead. What an unnecessary aggravation.

He glanced upwards, surprised he had reached the park so quickly. He found the bench where they always met, and searched his coat for the little black leather case he kept his digital camera in. A habit he had never thrown off, he took a quick picture of her and she walked down the path towards him, smiling widely, earless but still as innocent looking as she had ever been.

"Hey! You're early!"

"I know. I'm going to have to leave early. I have to go across town to return a stupid phone to some idiot that left it on a sofa in a coffee shop."

Her eyes were wide.

"Oh! How do you know where to return it to?"

"He called, and told me it was his."

"Wow! That could be the start of a really romantic story!"

Ritsuka blinked, and there was a pause.

"What are you talking about?"

"Think about it. You find a phone and go to meet a mysterious stranger. He could turn out to be the love of your life, and you just fell together by chance. It would be fantastic."

She caught sight of his sceptical expression, and quickly backtracked.

"Not that you need to meet someone! You already have Soubi, after all."

"Oh, shut up. I don't 'have' Soubi."

"Sure. The guy is just madly in love with you. Completely under your thumb, wrapped around your finger. Do you know how many guys are willing to wait this many _years_ for someone? God, so many girls would kill for him."

Ritsuka raised an eyebrow, and she smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. So many _guys_ would, too."

"You know, you were nicer before you lost your ears."

She smiled.

"Sorry."

"Does it… does it feel strange to not have them any more?"

She rubbed her hair, thinking.

"A little, but not in a bad way. You feel… I guess I feel a little more mature with them gone."

"Ah… Did it… well, did it hurt?"

"No. But what is with all the questions? Hey, you're not thinking about losing yours, are you?"

Ritsuka looked away, feeling awkward.

"Wow, I bet Soubi's happy about that."

There was a pause, and his blush grew.

"Actually, I haven't spoken to him about it."

"What? Not at all?"

She looked incredulously at him.

"No. I've been trying to figure things out."

She nodded in sudden understanding.

"Is _that's_ why you've been avoiding us all these last few weeks?"

"I need space to think. Soubi does not equate to space in general."

"Oh, well, fair enough. So as far as he's concerned, you're just ignoring him?"

"Well, I guess, if you put it like that..."

"When do you think you're going to speak to him about it?"

"I don't know. He actually hasn't tried to contact me in the last couple of days. I think he might be mad at me."

"Huh. Big surprise. Have you considered actually calling him for once? It's pretty easy to do, and he needs to know you're thinking about this."

"No. I don't think I could."

"Still, shutting him out of your life is not a good idea, Ritsuka. You treat him too badly- anyone can see that all he does is care for you. You might just be pushing him further away from you."

"Maybe."

"No maybe about it! You silly, silly… Oh, you're hopeless."

He smiled up at her. Despite the years gone by, Ritsuka had not grown that much taller, unlike Yayoi, who had shot up to be even taller than Yuiko, who was still much taller than him. That, plus Soubi's height, made him feel very small whenever he was with any of them, which was generally most of the time. Ritsuka was not particularly sociable, and those three comprised the main of his close friends.

She sighed at him.

"Look, I have to go soon. Just promise you'll think about it, okay?"

"I will."

She hugged him fiercely, and in an unusual show of affection he hugged her back, before she left with a final farewell. He watched her retreating back and called out to her before she was out of earshot.

"Hey, Yuiko. Thanks."

She smiled over her shoulder at him, and waved.

He turned his back on her and trudged off, towards the train station. Time was getting on, and he needed to go hand over this irritating phone. He wondered idly if tonight would be the night that Soubi called him, but quickly dismissed this thought from his head, trying to focus his thoughts on something else, something inconsequential.

That didn't last long. He stared unnervingly at the woman at the ticket desk, who had the long, fair kind of hair that reminded him of Soubi, and by the time he had boarded the train he had resigned himself to consideration and contemplation, something he had been attempting to do for a while, but kept putting off.

The heat inside the train was unbearable, and Ritsuka felt his hands begin to sweat in the gloves they were clenched in, so he pulled them off with his teeth in a pique of annoyance. It was rush hour, and the train was full. Ritsuka was forced to stand, but he did not bother with the aisle. He stayed leaning against the door, holding onto the pole to keep his balance. He would not be on the train for too long, and he did not want to be surrounded by people, but rather near the drafts and cold of the door, where he could think properly without distraction, something which he had been trying to do for weeks now, with little success.

The lights flashed past the train in blur of white, moving too fast for his eyes to focus on. He rested his head on the glass of the door window and sighed, watching with little fascination how the mist of his breath so quickly disappeared off the glass. It scared him a little to think how easily he could get rid of his ears- just like that they could disappear, as if they had never even been there.

So easy. Surely he should just do it?

Could he?

He still was not entirely sure if, in actuality, he wanted to. Sex meant a certain vulnerability, letting someone else see all of you, including your weakness. Would Soubi think less of him if he saw his frailties? Would he care less for him if he found all of those little flaws that Ritsuka himself noticed daily? Would this final allowance finally give Soubi everything he wanted? Would he, having gained everything he had wanted, leave afterwards?

He was not sure if he wanted to risk Soubi's feelings.

He was snapped out of these thoughts by the train coming to a jolting halt in the next stop, which, he realised, was his. Had the driver no braked so suddenly, he might not have noticed at all.

He stepped back from the glass, feeling a little foolish, and pulled his gloves back on. He was pushed out of the carriage by the heavy throng of commuters who quickly swarmed around him, leaving him feeling temporarily disorientated. Soon, however, the crowd disappeared and the train pulled away, leaving him on the empty platform, watching his breath mist in the air. He shook his head, pulled himself together, and left, glancing quickly at the street sign to make sure he was going the right way.

He stomped down the streets, following the directions the man had given him. He found Yuiko's voice was impossible to get out of his head, her words echoing like some kind of stereotypical epiphany. She was right. He was lucky- there was no one else in the world, he was sure, that would wait around nearly five years for someone without getting affection or even one kiss from the person they loved.

Or claimed to love, anyway. Ritsuka still found himself sceptical, at times, about that.

Soubi was irritating and persistent, he was idealistic and screwed up, but he found that that didn't matter. Neither did his age, in the end… all that was important to Ritsuka was the kind of person that Soubi was- he was loyal, fiercely so, and protective, which made Ritsuka feel just a little bit safe and, dare he say it, cared for. Soubi was beautiful, and graceful, and the only reason nothing had ever happened before was because of Ritsuka's own reluctance and self-introversion.

It took him less time than he anticipated to get to the street corner where he was meant to meet the other man, but his train had arrived been delayed, and he ended up, to his annoyance, a couple of minutes late. He stared out into the darkness for nearly ten minutes before he glanced at his watch. Now the owner of this phone was very late, and Ritsuka was pissed off. That was just plain rude. A car went past, the bright points of white light illuminating the street quickly, but soon it was gone, moved along, taking the light with it.

The streetlights reflected pools of golden-orange onto the pavements, brightest in their epicentre and progressively fading as it moved outwards. The road was quiet, and few cars moved past. Ritsuka felt strangely exposed, vulnerable, and he pulled his coat tighter around himself, stepping back into the shadows, out of the street light. He jumped as his phone rang, and he mentally berated himself just as he realised that it was the ring-tone especially for Soubi. He pulled out his mobile, only to stare, puzzled at the black screen. The battery was dead. But still Soubi's ring-tone played on, loud and tinny, into the darkness.

Hesitating slighting, Ritsuka reached into the other pocket of his coat, and pulled out the other person's phone, that he was supposed to be returning.

The screen was lit up, and it was ringing.

Ritsuka whirled around, staring wildly back and forth down the street as the ring tone stopped, obviously having rung out and been picked up by voicemail.

Everything was quiet and still until Ritsuka's glare deepened, and he yelled out into the darkness.

"Soubi! Where the hell are you?"

A man appeared at the end of the street closest to Ritsuka, a phone in his hand and a cigarette in a mouth which was curved into a slight smile.

"Hello, Ritsuka."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Trying to get you to meet me."

"That is bloody unbelievable. You could have just called, you know. Or come over. Or done any of the things you_ normally_ do."

"You didn't pick up, or return my calls. And you haven't been where you normally would be. I cannot read your mind, Ritsuka, as much as I wish, sometimes, that I could."

Ritsuka's response died in his throat at the clipped, annoyed tone of Soubi's voice. He didn't like Soubi being annoyed with him- he much preferred the softer, mellow voice that was normally reserved only for him. Yuiko's earlier warning flitted around his head again.

"Why have you been avoiding me, Ritsuka?"

"I-"

"And do not tell me that you have not. I'm not a fool."

There was a silence, and Ritsuka's shoulders sagged in defeat.

"I needed some time to think. I needed to think about a lot of stuff."

Soubi surprised him then. Instead of immediately asking what in particular this 'stuff' was, he simply stared levelly at him, and asked a different question, his voice just a little softer than before.

"And did you get it sorted?"

Ritsuka met his gaze, looking up from the pavement, where he had been awkwardly staring. Soubi's eyes were not as cold at he had feared they might be, and he found himself realising how much he had missed the other, in these last few weeks when they had barely seen each other. He missed his warmth, his comfort, his voice, his gentle touches. And all of a sudden, Ritsuka found the answer he had been looking for; that although he was scared of being vulnerable, the one person he _could_ trust and the one person he _wanted_ to trust was Soubi, because Soubi was there to stay.

Soubi blinked in surprise as Ritsuka looped his arms around the taller man's neck and pressed himself against him, for it was very, very rare for Ritsuka to instigate physical closeness or affection. In his surprise, he nearly forgot to hug him back, but quickly recovered, his arms holding the other closer to him. Soubi rested his forehead against the top of Ritsuka's head, hoping that this was a good sign, and the 'stuff' Ritsuka had been contemplating had not been ending their… was relationship the right word?

The silence was ended by Ritsuka, whose voice was muffled and quiet.

"Soubi… I'm sorry."

Soubi's arms tightened.

"Don't be."

"Not just for this. For everything."

Soubi pulled back, looking down at him uncomprehendingly.

"What?"

"For… For all the times I've been… distant, and pushed you away. When told you that I don't want you… don't need you, and that you should leave. You don't deserve it, because you're so… you're so… you're so much more than _I_ deserve. And I didn't mean it all. I just didn't know that I didn't mean it all and I've just realised that-"

He was cut off by a finger pressed against his lips, silencing him.

"Ritsuka. It is okay."

Ritsuka found himself smiling, and Soubi felt inexplicably joyful at the sight.

"Come on. Let's get out of here. Let's get you home."

"I don't want to go home. Can I stay at yours tonight?"

"You are always welcome, Ritsuka."

Soubi's car was parked around the corner, waiting and warm, and Ritsuka climbed into the passenger seat and the lingering heat. When the engine started the music came on, and Ritsuka smiled as one of his albums came on. He knew that Soubi only ever listened to Ritsuka's music when he was thinking of him.

The mellow acoustic chords filled the car as the drove in a comfortable silence, and Ritsuka laid his hand cautiously on Soubi's when it was on the gear-stick in a brief moment of affection.

"Soubi?"

"Hm?"

"That was the stupidest way you could have got me to meet you, by the way."

"It was a little overboard, I admit."

"You're a stalker."

Soubi laughed.

"I just know you too well."

Ritsuka returned his glance.

"How long did it take you to plan?"

"To be honest, I didn't. I was looking for you, and was going past the coffee place you always go, and just left my phone there on a whim. After programming in the ring-tone, of course."

Ritsuka retrieved the phone from his pocket.

"This isn't your normal phone though. And the first time it rang, it wasn't _that_ song."

"No, it's a new one. And it only plays that if you or I ring it."

"You're an idiot. What if someone else had picked up?"

Soubi shrugged.

"Then I'd have found some other way to find you."

"You're so stupid."

Soubi glanced at him, his eyes warm.

"I've missed you."

Ritsuka blushed, swallowed down his embarrassment and pride, and allowed himself to speak the truth.

"I missed you, too."

They pulled up at Soubi's apartment, and Ritsuka could not help but be thankful that Soubi now had one that was solely his. They hurried inside into the warmth, and shed their layers.

"Are you tired?"

"A little."

"I'll go and get spare blankets from my room, then you can have it. You can get some rest."

Ritsuka found himself blushing even more deeply than before as he caught hold of Soubi's wrist and forced himself to meet the taller man's eyes.

"I'd… you don't have to stay on the sofa. You can… I mean, it's a double bed, right?"

Soubi found himself taken aback for the second time that night, but soon regained his composure. He cupped Ritsuka's face in a hand, and smiled down at him.

"I would love to, but I am afraid that I don't think I would be able to resist my instinctual urges."

"You don't have to."

There was a long pause as the pair regarded each other, both a little shocked by the invitation.

"Are you sure?"

"I've spent a long enough time thinking about it."

"I see."

Ritsuka swallowed but found his nerves evaporating as Soubi leant in and kissed him with a warmth and tenderness that Ritsuka, for the first time, let himself go in, wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck and standing on tip-toe, trying in vain to be taller than he was.

He could feel the gentle movement of Soubi's hands across his shirt- he had always been hesitant to let Soubi touch his bare skin before, but in his moment of discovery he had realised that he wanted Soubi to be the one to see him in all of his vulnerability, so pulled away and slowly lead Soubi down the corridor, to the bedroom.

Soubi undressed him slowly, carefully, with a wonder expressed by the slow, almost reverent movements of his hands, almost as if he were a little scared that this was not happening. The paleness of Ritsuka's skin glowed in the light flooding in from the window, and he kissed his collarbone lightly. Ritsuka slipped his hands under Soubi's shirt and undressed him, blushing furiously as he did so, but getting past the embarrassment because of how soft Soubi's hair felt when it brushed across his torso, how gentle Soubi's looks were, how right this felt.

It was more than either of them had anticipated, the pain for Ritsuka being eclipsed by the emotions he saw in the other man, in his lovers', eyes, and the emotions he knew were reflected in his. Soubi felt only pure, unadulterated love and joy, finally finding out what he had been longing to know for so long. It was a moment of perfection in an imperfect relationship, a moment of purity, their shadows dancing across the wall in synchrony and the noises they made echoing each others.

When Ritsuka woke in the middle of the night, hours later, he rubbed his scalp. Feeling nothing but hair, instead of freaking out, he smiled to himself and rolled over, closer to the other man, who put an arm across him, in his sleep. Ritsuka smiled as he fell asleep under the combined traps of Soubi's arm and love, a prisoner content, worries dispelled from his mind.

He turned his head to the side so he could see the other sleeping, silent, smiling man.

He whispered something to the unhearing Soubi, something that the taller man had told him many times, but Ritsuka had never before answered. Had Soubi been awake it would have made him happy beyond words, but Ritsuka knew that it was one step at a time.

He had found his answer, and for now, he could not yet share it.

One day soon, he would tell him when he was awake.

He suspected that Soubi knew anyway.


End file.
